


it just is

by juncheol



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Brief Mention of Blood, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups is Whipped, Inspired by a chinese organ donation ad, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Minor Kim Jonghyun | JR/Lee Taeyong, Mutual Pining, angst (i can't say how much--apparently i'm an unreliable scale for that), but this is still rough please spare me i'm revising it, my dad saw it on his whatsapp family gc and here we are, ngl i'm only keeping this story for jongyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24107710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juncheol/pseuds/juncheol
Summary: In a world where you find your soulmate by holding their hand, Seungcheol has no reason to want to hold Joshua's.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua
Comments: 28
Kudos: 120
Collections: Seventeen Rare Pair Fest: Round 1





	it just is

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SVTRarePairFest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SVTRarePairFest) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Claim this to write a self prompt.
> 
> (Claims from more than one person are allowed for this prompt!)

Soulmates, they’re called nowadays.

When Seungcheol was growing up, he’d heard other names tossed around. _Lovers_ was a popular one, but then the discovery of platonic matches sent everyone into a frenzy to find a new label to slap on themselves. _Eternals_ lasted a while longer, then _partners, promised, bound. Soulmates_ was born around the time Seungcheol was in college, so he understood a little bit better why the name of such an event was so important. But still, he had to admit the whole idea was kind of silly to him.

“Of course you think it’s lame,” Jeonghan would tell him, a hint of laughter lilting his voice. “You don’t care about the formalities, you just want to find love. Impatient as ever.”

“Oh yeah?” He’d say back. “And what about you?”

And Jeonghan, with a smile as bright as his heart, would shrug. “The name isn’t important, but it’s a nice little detail, like the bow on a wrapped gift. Reminds you that the love is permanent. It’s a promise in itself, ‘I’m always with you.’ It’s the beginning of their happily ever after, of course people want it to be perfect.”

Sometimes Seungcheol wishes Jeonghan wasn’t such a romantic. It really did a number on him.

-

“Got stood up?” Seungcheol looks up from his phone. It’s one of the bartenders, a thin male with bright pink hair and a kind smile. The strange color makes him do a double take. “Sorry, you just look pretty...bummed, that might’ve been presumptuous of me.”

Seungcheol can’t stop staring at the bartender’s hair. It just looks so soft. “Well, uh, in a third wheeling way, yes.”

The bartender laughs. It suits him. “Shitty friends?”

Seungcheol huffs. “I’ll say. _And_ they’re soulmates. Perfect match for each other, those two backstabbers. They’re the ones that dragged me here in the first place.”

“What, you don’t like clubbing?”

He doesn’t really think his answer through, already riled up and seconds away from full on ranting. “Feeling the vibrations of pounding music in my head and seeing my friends grind on each other while surrounded by drunk strangers really isn’t my cup of tea.”

Pink makes a face. “Ah, a bookworm.”

Okay, now Seungcheol is _really_ pouting. “I am _not_ a bookworm. _”_

“Now, now,” Pink says with hands raised up in peace. “I’m not judging if you are, it’s not a bad thing-”

“I haven’t even read a book in like–what?” Seungcheol scoffs. “Two years?” He freezes, eyes widening as soon as the words come out of his mouth. His face could match Pink’s hair at this point. “I- I mean…”

The man flashes another smile, albeit less teasing. “Want something to drink?”

Seungcheol clears his throat, grateful for the save. “Somaek. Please.”

Nodding, he starts reaching for what he needs. “Alright. So, let’s hear about your shitty friends. Soulmates, right?”

Seungcheol groans with a tired nod. “It took them a year and a half to figure it out, too! Jihoon was too stubborn to even let Mingyu hug him at first, took him _months_ to finally get to that point. They’d been friends for a while, like...a year before Jihoon even realized he liked Mingyu?” He shakes his head and waves his hands around, unaware of Pink’s amused stare as he sets down the finished drink. “Doesn’t matter. Anyways, they both liked each other but did they say anything to finally get their happy tsundere slow burn ending?”

“They didn’t, did they?” Pink guesses.

Seungcheol throws his hands up. “They didn’t! And you want to know how they find out they were soulmates?” He runs a tired hand through his black hair. “They were getting in an elevator when Mingyu bent down to tie his shoe so Jihoon grabbed his hand to pull him in before the door closed and then-”

“The whole heart shebang?”

“The whole heart shebang.” Seungcheol laughs a little, smiling into his cup. “Jihoon was so surprised, he just pushed Mingyu onto the floor of the elevator, pressed all the floor buttons, and then ran. And Mingyu, the complete dumbass, didn’t even think of stepping out to take the stirs to catch him so he was stuck in that elevator for twelve floors.”

A bubble of laughter leaves Pink but he muffles it with the back of his hand before it can turn into a snort. A part of Seungcheol wonders what it would’ve sounded like. “Twelve floors? Seriously?”

Seungcheol takes a sip before shrugging. “And another two miles because he had to chase Jihoon’s taxi down. Made it all the way to the stop light before he practically threw himself into traffic to stop the car. Nearly broke his wrist on a windshield wiper. It was a mess.”

There’s a huge grin on Pink’s face. “That’s probably one of the more interesting soulmate stories I’ve heard. Top ten, easily.”

He raises a brow. “Just how many have you heard?”

A shrug. “You’d be amazed to hear what people say during happy hour.” He pulls out a pen from his apron, grabs a napkin, and starts drawing. “This one chick met her soulmate because he accidentally mailed her a basket of dildos when it was supposed to go to her neighbor, his cousin. She high fived the guy, and it was history from there.”

Seungcheol gapes. “You’re kidding me.”

“Nope, she showed me pictures of the dildos. The wrapping paper had hentai shit and everything. Invited me to her wedding, too.” He finishes whatever he was doing with the napkin and slides it over to Seungcheol. It’s a tic tac toe grid, of all things, with an _X_ already marked in the center of the grid. “Wanna play?”

Seungcheol frowns immediately. “Aren’t you supposed to be working right now?”

Pink leans over the counter and rests his chin on the palm of his hand, close enough that he doesn’t have to yell over the booming music anymore, but now the moving club lights can highlight his face with blues, greens, and purples. He offers the pen to Seungcheol with his other hand, a weird smile ghosting his lips. “I’m on break. You don’t mind, right?”

For once in his life, Seungcheol suddenly feels so small. He takes the pen without a word and marks the _O_ down on the top right. Pink’s grin makes him feel like he’s signed a contract with the devil.

The napkins sit on a steadily growing pile at this point, and if anyone looked over at the two, they’d probably think Seungcheol lost the lottery, he’s so distraught. Seungcheol’s never been ashamed to admit he’s competitive, he’s well aware and knows it’s too ingrained in him to ever be fixed. Years spent in sports and gaming competitions have molded him into the stubborn, slightly prideful person he is today. So it’s just indescribable what Seungcheol’s feeling right now, being completely _wasted_ by some cotton candy asshole who’s apparently having the time of his life, if his shit-eating grin is any sign.

Seungcheol's going to blame it on the alcohol if he cries right now. “Stop choosing the center!” He whines, having lost yet again.

Pink doesn’t even bother looking apologetic, just full on cackling like the cocky demon he is. “I beat you even when I didn’t go for the center. You just suck, dude.”

“Bite me,” Seungcheol grumbles. “One more round.”

“This is kind of sad.”

“I will have my revenge. One more round, coward.”

“I take it back; this is _very_ sad.” But nonetheless, he grabs another napkin. Seungcheol folds his arms, a pleased grin settling on his face.

“Seungcheol, there you are!” Seungcheol turns his head to the left to see Jihoon struggling with a delirious Mingyu practically wrapped around his back. Jihoon grabs onto Seungcheol like he’s about to fall over. He lets out a string of curses as Mingyu adjusts himself to now full on piggyback the smaller male. Seungcheol tries not to laugh. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“Is Mingyu...breathing?” He pokes the unconscious male’s forehead just to be sure, relaxing when he gets a weak bark for a response. Good enough.

“He’s fine, just had some vodka. You know his tolerance is shit.” Jihoon lets out a huff and hikes Mingyu up just a bit more to properly carry him, still practically squatting to do so. It’s a sight to behold. Seungcheol can just make out Pink’s shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. “Mingyu tried to make out with his wenis again, so I think it’s time we get going.”

“Oh, right.” Seungcheol turns to face the bartender again, suddenly feeling a little deflated for some reason. “Um, I gotta go.”

Pink seems to notice his change in demeanor, smiling softly. The lights bathe him in blue. “So I heard. Lovely talking you, Seungcheol. Good luck with your gaming endeavors, hm?”

Seungcheol’s blanking. “Uh, yeah, sure. Same to...” He blinks. “Hey, what do you _mean ‘_ good luck–’”

Jihoon tugs on Seungcheol’s sleeve, insistent. “Designated driver, my ankles are about to fucking snap, can we _go_?”

“Yeah, okay, in a minute.” When he turns to fire one more comeback at Pink, he sees the bartender’s gone. All that’s left is the napkin, with a neat little _“come back soon for a rematch”_ and a smiley face written in the corner. Seungcheol doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or yell.

“Choi Seungcheol, if my poor ankles turn into little calcium shards and my unrealistic NBA career is ruined before it even starts because of your lazy ass, on _God_ I will break your mountain bike with my bare hands.”

“Alright! Jesus, I’m going.” Seungcheol pockets the napkin as an afterthought before helping Jihoon carry Mingyu outside. “But if he throws up in the car, I’m tossing him into the nearest storm drain.”

“I’ll do it for you.”

-

As soon as Seungcheol steps out of the locker room, he’s grabbed by both wrists and dragged to the main exit of the gym, shouts of resistance only noticed by concerned customers. He nearly trips over himself as he tries to stop walking. “What are you guys doing?”

Jonghyun, holding Seungcheol’s left arm, flashes him an innocent smile. “Dongho’s class is up next, so it’s time for us to have our break.” He turns his head to Taeyong, who’s latched himself to Seungcheol’s other arm. “What are you thinking?”

Taeyong shrugs as best as he can while wrestling a writhing Seungcheol. “Salad sounds good. You?”

“Let me go!”

“Salad it is, then.”

The two continue talking to each other, conversation casual as they haul Seungcheol behind them through the shopping plaza they all work in. Luckily for Seungcheol, the distance between their gym and the food court isn’t too far, so he only has to suffer as a hostage for a few minutes before finally being deposited onto an empty chair. Seungcheol huffs at his two coworkers, crossing his arms with a pout. “You better be paying for mine, too.”

Jonghyun grins. “I’ll go order.” He pats Taeyong’s shoulder before rushing off.

“Make mine a caesar!” Seungcheol calls out as an afterthought. He narrows his eyes at Taeyong. The male always gets awkward without Jonghyun nearby, and Seungcheol’s banking on that for answers. “Alright, spill.”

Taeyong seats himself in front of Seungcheol hesitantly. “Spill what?”

“You guys only hound me after showering if you want to talk,” he says with a pointed look.

Forcing out a laugh, Taeyong squirms under Seungcheol’s stare. “W-We do? I just...wanted to get some food before the lunch rush got too crazy, you know?” He laughs again, this one even weaker. “Big boys like us need...our nutrients…?”

If he was a better person, Seungcheol would have mercy on Taeyong’s poor soul. But truth be told, Seungcheol’s evil. “Just how often do you call Jonghyun _big boy_?”

It takes less than a second for Taeyong’s face to flush as deep a red as his dyed hair, his voice coming out strangled from choking on spit. “I- I don’t- It's not- He-”

“Is everything okay?” Jonghyun sets down two trays on the table before sitting next to Taeyong and placing a hand on his lower back, concern and amusement softening his expression.

Face still clearly red, Taeyong nods desperately. “Y-Yes! Just laughing at something Seungcheol said. Super funny. You should’ve been there.”

Seungcheol smiles sweetly. “I can repeat the joke, if you want.”

“Sure-”

“Oh my goodness, I cannot _believe_ how hungry I am today!” Taeyong shrieks, lunging for the three salad bowls. “These salads sure aren’t going to eat themselves.”

“Are you sure you don't want something else to be eat-”

Taeyong shoves the salad bowl into Seungcheol’s chest with a deadly smile. “Eat your salad, Choi.”

Seungcheol eats his salad.

Jonghyun flits his eyes back and forth. “Did I miss something?”

The redhead slams the third salad bowl down in front of Jonghyun, ignoring the latter’s bewilderment. “Eat.”

They eat.

After swallowing the last of his salad a while later, Jonghyun speaks up. “So,” he says carefully, folding his hands under his chin with a determined glint in his eyes. “Is it true your love life is existent again?”

Seungcheol frowns. “What?”

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “Are you seeing somebody?”

Seungcheol laughs this time. “What makes you guys think _that?_ ”

Jonghyun’s too quick to reply. “You’ve been really distracted since you went out with your friends a few weeks ago and, well, there is a slight possibility one of them told us about it by accident when they visited you for your lunch break on Tuesday.”

“Okay, first of all, I’m going to kill Mingyu. Second of all, I have _not_ been distracted because of that guy.”

“So there _is_ a guy?” They say at the same time. Seungcheol rolls his eyes. _Soulmates._

“It’s not like that,” he insists. “He was just some bartender I met at this club. He saw me by myself so we talked for a bit and played tic tac toe until I had to leave. That’s it.”

“Wait.” Taeyong points a finger at Seungcheol. “Is he why you downloaded that stupid tic tac toe app on the main computer?”

Seungcheol waves his fork dismissively. "I was bored having to watch the desk for customers."

"You lost to him, didn't you?" Jonghyun muses. Seungcheol grips his water bottle a bit too tight, crushing the center of the plastic before he can stop himself. "I knew it. No wonder you've been so worked up."

"I just _know_ he cheated," Seungcheol hisses, using too much pressure to impale a crouton. " _Nobody_ can go thirty rounds without losing once! It's impossible!"

Taeyong blinks. "You played thirty rounds of tic tac toe with a stranger?"

Seungcheol can feel himself warm. "...He asked me to."

Jonghyun starts laughing, having to rest an arm on Taeyong's shoulder to keep himself from doubling over. “Of course you would find a way to get hit on with a kid’s game, and _still_ manage to blow it with the dork who liked you.”

The frown is back on Seungcheol’s face. "There was nothing _to_ blow."

"Well," Taeyong mumbles. "Technically there _was,_ if you were into that kind of pace. Kinda sounds like _he_ wouldn’t have minded." Jonghyun is cackling at this point, the sound muffled as he presses his mouth into Taeyong's hoodie. Taeyong seems too pleased to push him off.

Seungcheol gapes. "I could have sworn you were nice when we first met. The both of you, honestly."

Taeyong shrugs and pats Jonghyun's head, too focused on the male's shaking figure to really be apologetic. "Payback for earlier. So what's his name?"

Faltering, Seungcheol’s eyes drop to his empty bowl. "I don't know."

The two snap their heads up to look at Seungcheol with a synched precision. "You didn't ask for his _name_?"

"Quit it with the whole 'speaking at the same time' thing, it's creepy." Seungcheol runs a hand through his hair, some parts still a bit damp from his shower. "And I don't know, it just didn't come up. He left before I could even give a proper goodbye or anything, just gave me some note asking for a rematch."

"And this was how long ago?" Taeyong asks quietly.

"Like...two? Three? Weeks ago?"

Jonghyun rubs his temples. "So you spent hours hanging out with some dude-who had to stop working to stay longer, probably-who liked you, got flirted with and even asked to come back to see him, didn't ask for his name or way to contact him, and you haven't tried to go visit him when it's been nearly a _month?"_

Seungcheol shrinks. "I called him Pink for his hair." 

Taeyong covers his salad bowl with a lid and pushes it away. "You're pathetic, Seungcheol."

"I knew you were romantically constipated," Jonghyun whispers, "but this is just sad."

"Romantically constipated," Seungcheol echoes with a scoff. "You guys are too much. It was nothing, really."

"You're blushing," Jonghyun notes. "I don't think I've ever seen you blush without a bottle in your hand. Holy shit, he really does have a heart in there."

"Be nice," Taeyong says with a pointed elbow to Jonghyun's gut for his last comment, ignoring the muttered _"no joints should be so sharp, where is your body fat”_ beside him. His eyes soften as he turns to stare at Seungcheol. "Are you sure you're not just saying that because of something else?"

"Something else?"

" _Someone_ else."

Seungcheol pauses for a second too long.

If there's one thing that makes Taeyong terrifying, it's his strange ability to always know what's on someone's mind. It was too easy for him to pick up on everyone's thoughts, and being the angel he is, he made sure to help if he could. It was both a blessing and a curse, in Seungcheol's opinion. And right now, it’s more of a curse from the way Taeyong sighs knowingly. "Seungcheol-"

"I've moved on," Seungcheol rushes out. "I have, really."

"So you won't date because you're scared." Taeyong doesn't say it as a question, just a statement that feels heavy on the tongue.

"It's not fear. It's just…" he shakes his head, struggling for the right words that won't make him feel so ridiculous. "You're supposed to end up with your soulmate, not another person's. That's just how it works. I can't be with someone else, it wouldn't be fair."

"But you don't have to spend your whole life with only one person," Jonghyun adds gently. "There's plenty of people who date around before finding their soulmate. It's being accepted more."

"Before," Seungcheol mutters, dropping his gaze to his hands. "It's always before. Never after."

They're silent for a minute.

"You know, Jonghyun might not be my soulmate."

Seungcheol bolts up, wide eyes locked on Taeyong, who's biting his lip. "What?"

Jonghyun pulls Taeyong close, tracing over his knuckles with his thumb until Taeyong's shoulders gradually loosen. "If you hold your soulmate's hand, your hearts will glow, right? But we've never held hands directly. There's a lot of loopholes to that rule, actually. Like wearing gloves or just holding a few fingers. As long as there's no complete palm-to-palm, it's okay."

"But why- why _wouldn't_ you want to know?"

"Because it's too restricting." Taeyong glances at Jonghyun for a few seconds. "Soulmates are nice, but binding. When people find their soulmates, they drop whoever they're with because destiny pointed at someone else. It ruins other chances of love. Sure, we could be soulmates, and if we're not? Then what? It's just too much of a game changer. We're fine the way we are."

"And what about your soulmates, if you're not each others'?"

Taeyong smiles, and Seungcheol can suddenly see why Jonghyun always looks at him like he's made out of stardust. "Soulmates are supposed to be the ones who understand you better than anyone. If they're out there somewhere, they're probably doing the same thing."

Jonghyun nods. "They might be your easiest to fall in love with, but your soulmate doesn't have to be the _only_ one you fall in love with. You can always be happy with someone else."

Seungcheol doesn't say anything for a while, and Jonghyun and Taeyong are too caught up in their moment to notice. He knows what they're trying to say, and he appreciates their concern, really. It's nice to know his friends care so much. But actually listening to their advice is a whole other story, one that's still a little too fresh to go through again. Maybe Seungcheol hasn't moved on as well as thinks.

"Oh!" Taeyong gasps, snapped out of his thoughts by his ringing phone. He slides something on his screen to silence it and stands up, grabbing their trays before anyone can protest. "I need to head back and set up for my class."

"We'll go with you." Jonghyun stumbles to get up, seemingly having completely forgotten the planned intervention taking place now that his partner is leaving. Seungcheol rushes to grab his things and chase after Jonghyun. When he finally catches up, Jonghyun pulls him back just a bit, putting some distance between them and Taeyong. "I'm sorry if we said anything that upset you. We're not trying to force you to date or anything if you don't want to, just…we don't want you making yourself suffer because you don't think it's a possibility to find someone."

Seungcheol lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in. It takes him a moment to smile, but it's genuine. "I know you two meant well. It's just complicated. But thank you, really."

Jonghyun punches his arm teasingly. "Just think it over, okay? And hey, who knows? Maybe that Pinky guy could be special. Life is full of surprises."

"Yeah...maybe." Seungcheol clears his throat. "And by the way, if it's worth anything, I think you two _are_ soulmates."

There's something in the way that Jonghyun smiles as he looks away, eyes now trailing Taeyong's distant figure. "Yeah," he murmurs. "I'd like to think so, too."

-

“Would you _please-”_ Seungcheol words get cut off as the car takes another sharp turn and multiple horns go off in the distance. “Stop trying to kill us?”

Soonyoung rolls his eyes and waves his hand dismissively, the action causing Seungcheol to screech since Soonyoung nearly drives them into a fire hydrant because of it. “Don’t be such a baby, it’s New Years Eve!”

“And I’d like to make it to New Years _Day_!”

The driving male snorts and speeds past another red light. “Well not with _that_ attitude, you won’t.”

Thanks to Soonyoung’s horrendous driving, they make it to the club in record time, the ancient car jerking to a stop and nearly sending Seungcheol’s head slamming into the dashboard. Ignoring the elder’s string of curses, Soonyoung turns off the car with an innocent smile. “Alright, losers, scoot.”

Seungcheol rushes out the car instantly, making sure to slam the door hard enough that Soonyoung yells at him. Vernon pops out from the back seat like he didn’t just go through the same near-death experience that is Kwon Soonyoung. “How are you so calm right now?”

Vernon shrugs. “At least he didn’t use his knees this time.”

“His _what-”_

“Come on, guys,” Soonyoung calls out from far ahead, waving his arms wildly and nearly hitting passerby in the process. “How am I supposed to get wasted if I’m in a parking lot? Mush!”

As the two pick up their pace to catch up, Seungcheol mutters a low “I’ll tie him to the hood of the car before letting him drive us back.” Vernon laughs under his breath.

The walk to the club is fairly short, and with Vernon telling them about the time he accidentally got his sister locked in a fish tank, Seungcheol barely notices the movement of the line to enter until they’re next. They each flash their IDs to the bouncer and then step inside, the heat hitting them like a wall and making Seungcheol immediately peel off his jacket. The club is packed, everyone moving as one to the pounding music and it’s a little dizzying, but Seungcheol manages to follow Vernon and Soonyoung through the crowd. He’s sweating by the time they reach a table in the corner, diving for a free seat before anyone else can take it. Most of their friends are already at the table and they all laugh at Seungcheol’s dramatic entrance.

Seungkwan, the little brat, won’t stop snickering. “You okay, gramps?”

“Eat a fetus,” is his weak response. Mingyu, seemingly already tipsy, chokes on his spit. Jihoon stares at the taller man with a mix of both disgust and adoration, mouthing something along the lines of _I gave my soul to a clown_ to no one in particular.

“You guys got here fast,” Wonwoo comments from beside Jihoon.

Vernon nods in Soonyoung’s direction. “He insisted on driving us.”

“And did he run over any pedestrians this time?”

“Surprisingly, no.”

Soonyoung huffs and throws his hands up. “You guys make it seem like I’m some kind of homicidal driving maniac!”

“Because you are,” Jihoon adds dryly. “You drive on the sidewalk so you can get coffee before work.”

“You swerve out of the way of a mother duck and her little duckies _one time_ and suddenly you’re the bad guy.”

Mingyu groans. “Shut him up. Wanna dance now.”

“Is anyone else coming?” Vernon asks.

Seungkwan shakes his head. “Chan picked up a double shift so he had to cancel, and Jun dipped because Minghao got sick so he’s taking care of him.”

Soonyoung grinned. “Then let’s get grooving already!” The others quickly get up to hit the dance floor, leaving Seungcheol as the remaining person seated. Soonyoung raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

Seungcheol waves his hand tiredly. “Don’t feel like dancing. I just want a drink.”

It’s clear Soonyoung wants to protest, but before he can get a single word out, Mingyu cuts him off. “Better go now then. There’s not a lot of people at the bar.” He shares a quick look with Soonyoung but it’s over before Seungcheol can analyze it.

“Yeah, Mingyu’s right,” Soonyoung concedes, a statement that leaves Seungheol weary because that boy is _never_ right, especially when drunk. “Go now before it gets crowded with other moody senior citizens.”

The two run off before Seungcheol can jump on them, leaving him all alone. Seungcheol grabs his jacket with a huff and stalks off to the bar, squeezing through the crowd as fast as he can. He's never been good with small spaces like this. When someone nearly falls on him and grabs onto his elbow to stabilize themselves, Seungcheol feels a bubble form in his chest, squeezing his throat close and making his movements stiff. For a second, he thinks he'll be sick. He shakes himself free and scurries off.

When he finally reaches the bar, he slumps down onto the seat closest to the corner and lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was even holding. He runs a shaking hand through his hair and wipes away the bit of sweat gathering above his brows. Feeling a little more like himself, Seungcheol takes a moment to look around. Just like Mingyu said, there aren’t a lot of people at the bar right now. Still, he doesn't see who he's looking for.

"Hi, what'll it be?"

Seungcheol looks up, expecting to see a certain bartender’s bright pink hair and smug smirk, but instead finds a different man in front of him, this one with auburn hair and a shining smile. He does his best not to frown. “Oh, um, somaek.”

The bartender nods. “One second.” He moves down the bar to grab what he needs.

Seungcheol doesn’t feel like using his phone, so he’s kind of stuck just sitting there awkwardly until the bartender comes back. Not wanting to look lame when that happens, he turns around in his seat and faces the dancefloor, trying to find his friends. It takes a few minutes, but thanks to Mingyu’s massive height, he spots them near the center of the room. Mingyu’s too busy ogling Jihoon body rolling with Soonyoung to really pay attention to anything else, while Wonwoo and Seungkwan judge the hell out of Vernon’s attempts at the renegade. The sight doesn’t surprise him in the slightest, really.

Somehow, Seungcheol catches Seungkwan’s eye and the younger starts to wave, asking him to join the rest of them. For a second, he considers it, but then one of the moving lights shines right into his eyes and he decides he’s better off sitting if it means he can avoid those stupid lights, so he shakes his head no.

“Yeah, I’m not really a Tyga kind of guy, either,” a voice shouts behind him. Seungcheol snaps around, startled and still partially blind from the light, so he can only imagine the expression on his face right now. Blinking a few times until the dark spots finally fade away, he doesn’t see the same bartender who took his order staring back at him. Not that he really minds since it’s the person he had been hoping to meet. That smug smile, however, is definitely not appreciated. “Fancy seeing you here.”

A part of Seungcheol, the intelligent side of him, wants to say hi back, maybe even ask what happened to the other bartender or just say something _normal._ But that part of Seungcheol is no match for the bigger, and dumber, part of him that decides to go with, “I can’t call you Pink anymore.”

The bartender drops his smile for a second, obviously confused, before he realizes what Seungcheol means and starts laughing. He reaches up to grab a golden lock of hair, twirling the strands lazily. “I thought it was a good time to change it up. You know, new year, new me. You like it?”

“Yes,” he says just a bit too fast. Seungcheol clears his throat, suddenly feeling warm in his thin shirt. “It’s nice.”

The smile that forms on the bartender’s face is gentle, free of that dripping smugness. It causes his eyes to squish into little slants and with the buzzing atmosphere that surrounds the two of them, it’s all honestly a bit too much for Seungcheol to handle right now. “Thank you.”

Time ticks away but the man won’t quit staring, or smiling, for that matter, and Seungcheol’s starting to feel trapped. “I still don’t know your name,” is what he comes up with.

The blond’s mouth forms a little “o,” as if the idea had never occurred to him that Seungcheol wasn’t kidding about his comment from earlier. He chuckles. “Joshua. Call me Joshua.”

_Joshua._ Seungcheol’s surprised to hear a foreign name, but when he connects it back to the slight accent the man speaks with, it makes sense. He wants to ask about where he’s from, how long he’s lived here, but figures that’d be creepy of him to want to know his backstory so soon (or at all), so he just nods. “I’m Seungcheol.”

Joshua smiles with a tilt of his head, eyes reflecting the flashing lights that shine above them. “I know.”

“Yeah, well,” Seungcheol splutters. “That’s because you overheard my friends say it. Now you get to hear it officially. From me.”

Joshua places a hand over his heart. “I’m honored.” He finally sets down Seungcheol’s somaek in front of him. “So, is Tyga the only reason you’re not dancing with your friends right now?”

Having completely forgotten about his order, Seungcheol blinks at the drink a few times before taking a sip. He rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to call myself a bookworm, if that’s what you mean.”

“No, I already have my answer for that.” Eyes curving into crescents as his smile grows, Joshua leans forward to rest his chin on his hand. He’s only inches away from Seungcheol now, close enough for Seungcheol to see how every gold strand of hair curls just above his eyelashes in gentle swoops. A soft purple light bathes his face as he shrugs. “Guess I just missed you.”

The way Seungcheol’s throat squeezes shut is instantaneous, leaving the poor man choking on his drink as he tries to cough up the liquid. At the very least, he can focus on not dying instead of on... _whatever_ Joshua just said, since that _asshole_ decided to speak right as he was about to swallow. Throat burning now, Seungcheol punches his sternum a few times while coughing into his elbow, vehemently ignoring Joshua’s delighted expression. “Excuse me?” He croaks out through gasps of air.

“Well, yeah.” Completely unfazed by the mess he’s caused, Joshua lets out a light laugh as he fishes out a pen from his pocket and grabs a napkin. He offers the pen to Seungcheol with a bright grin. “Who else can I play with?”

Seungcheol suddenly halts his attempts at wiping away his tears to stare at the pen as if it’s a knife. “Seriously?”

Joshua shrugs nonchalantly, but his narrowed eyes give away his true intentions. “I’ll go easy on you this time, if you want.”

Seungcheol snatches the pen out of Joshua’s hand before he can even process what he’s doing, staring Joshua dead in the eye as he draws his _x_ in the center of the messy grid. It makes Joshua laugh. He takes the pen back from Seungcheol and marks an _o_ in the top left spot. Conversation flows easily now that the game is keeping Seungcheol’s mind occupied, and they start to open up to each other as the time goes by. Seungcheol would like to think this sudden ease to speak is thanks to the alcohol in his system, but with each chuckle he manages to shake out of Joshua, he’s starting to think otherwise.

“Really?” Joshua asks, blinking owlishly. “You don’t have any new year’s resolutions?”

“Call it an occupational hazard.” Seungcheol shrugs and adds another _x_ to the grid. “I don’t need a holiday to make goals for myself. Besides, when do you ever see someone actually _follow through_ with their resolutions?”

Joshua concedes at that. “True. But you do have a goal of some sort, then?”

Seungcheol furrows his brows, frustrated to see Joshua has cornered him yet again with those stupid _o’_ s. “Not really. I’m okay with where I am in life.”

“Sounds kinda boring, though.” Joshua crosses the winning line through his three _o’_ s with finality before setting down the pen to look Seungcheol in the eyes. “Why settle with ‘okay,’ when you can do better than that?”

Seungcheol wouldn’t say there’s a tension forming, but there is definitely something heavy in the air between them and it leaves him unsure of himself. When did their conversation take such a turn? “I don’t- I’m not settling. I just…I’ve had everything I could ever ask for. It’d just be selfish of me to want more than what I’ve been given.”

Something changes in Joshua’s expression, softening the look in his eyes in a way that Seuncheol can’t quite understand. The man sighs, his warm breath a puff on Seungcheol’s face. “That has to be the dumbest _and_ saddest thing I’ve ever heard before.”

It takes Seungcheol a moment to make sure he heard him correctly. “What?”

Before Joshua can respond, he’s cut off by the sound of a shout. The two turn at the noise to see a man and woman talking angrily to each other. The man, red faced and swaying, wears a soaking shirt. He grabs the woman’s wrist to keep her from moving, ignoring her protests as he tries to say something.

Joshua is in front of the pair in an instant, his smile nowhere to be found. “Is there a problem?”

The woman opens her mouth to speak, but the man shouts over her. “Fuck off. She’s mine.”

“Get off me!” The lady presses a hand to the drunk’s chest to keep him from pressing close. She turns to Joshua pleadingly. “I’ve never seen him before in my life!”

Joshua nods. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”  
  


“Huh?” The man leers at Joshua. “Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?”

“Do I need to call for security?”

Snarling, the man lets go of the woman to seize Joshua’s shirt collar, causing a few nearby patrons to panic when he yanks Joshua forward. “You threatening me?”

Joshua glares at him, struggling to move out of his grip. For a second, he looks scared when the man's other hand forms a fist.

Seungcheol is on the guy before he can even raise his arm. Tackling him from the side, Seungcheol launches him off of his stool and onto the filthy ground in a flash. Shrieks ring out around them as people move away. Seungcheol grabs his right arm and twists it back in one sharp movement while pinning the man’s left hand under his knee. With his free hand, Seungcheol grips the back of his head and slams it against the floor. The man shouts underneath him, letting loose a string of profanities as he tries to break free. Seungcheol starts to add pressure to his knee, causing the drunk’s screams to grow louder.

“Enough!” Hands wrap around Seungcheol from behind and drag him up, tightening when Seungcheol starts to resist. “Break it up, you two!”

Realizing the person is probably security, Seungcheol complies quickly, letting go of the drunk and standing up with his arms raised in the air the whole time. Just as he expected, another man steps forward and grabs the drunk off the floor. Like an idiot, the drunk tries to launch himself on Seungcheol but is held back by the guard yanking him back. The man is dragged away seconds later, his screams quickly drowned out by the pounding music.

The other guard starts to pull Seungcheol away as well. “ _Walk_.”

“Wait!” Joshua pops up in front of the two in a rush, his head shaking frantically. “Let him go, Chanyeol. He jumped in because that guy was bothering a girl and then tried to hit me. He’s with me.”

The guard, Chanyeol, blinks a few times before awkwardly releasing Seungcheol from his grip. “Oh. Seokmin said there were two people fighting, so I thought- shit, my bad. Sorry.”

Seungcheol rubs his wrist, still trying to catch his breath. “It’s fine.” He turns to the woman from before, who was staring at the men with wide eyes. “Are you okay, miss?”

The woman flushes. “Y-Yes. I’m- thank you, I’m fine. That guy just came out of nowhere, so I threw my drink on him, but then he… I think I’ve had enough for one night.”

Chanyeol steps forward and motions to the club entrance. “Would you like me to escort you to your car?”

Nodding sheepishly, the woman thanks Seungcheol once more before walking away with Chanyeol.

Seungcheol faces Joshua now with a frown. “He didn’t hurt you, right?”

Frozen in place, Joshua stares up at Seungcheol dazedly. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out, floundering with his words.

Quickly growing worried, Seungcheol places a careful hand on the smaller male’s shoulder. “Joshua?”

The blond jolts at the touch, seemingly snapping out his thoughts. Joshua clears his throat a few times before finally speaking. “Y-Yeah. I’m...fine.”

Letting out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in, Seungcheol feels his shoulders finally relax. “Good,” he mumbles, suddenly feeling drained. “I’m glad.”

Joshua ushers Seungcheol towards a stool, worry creasing his soft features. Seungcheol doesn’t think the look suits him. “Are _you_ okay?”

Seungcheol waves a hand dismissively. “The dude was drunk; I didn’t have to do much to pin him down. I’m just a little tired.”

The silence between them drags out for longer than Seungcheol would like. He turns towards Joshua, ready to ask for some water, but his mind goes blank when he sees the expression on Joshua’s face. He’s staring at Seungcheol with such an intensity and it might just be the lights playing tricks, but it almost looks like he’s _blushing._

“I- I didn’t mean to scare you,” Seungcheol babbles, suddenly feeling stupid for jumping in without thinking. “I just thought he was going to- O-Of course you can fight for yourself! I probably overstepped, you’ve had to deal with guys like before, I bet. I- I’m really sorry.”

“No, what-?” Joshua steps forward in a rush, a bubble of laughter slipping past his lips. He places a hand on Seungcheol’s bicep and smiles. Seungcheol’s throat squeezes shut. “I’m not...I’m grateful you stepped in. Thank you, really.”

The blond doesn’t make any move to remove his hand, the warmth of his skin sending goosebumps to spring up all over Seungcheol’s body as something flutters in his stomach. It’s a strange feeling, one he hasn’t felt in who knows how long, and it leaves him overwhelmed and scared. But he doesn’t push him away, either. “Oh. I… You’re welcome.”

“Where…” Joshua waves his hand around weakly. “Where did you learn to fight like that?”

Seungcheol rubs the back of his neck, unsure of where to look. “My dad used to take me to boxing tournaments when I was a kid, so I just...took an interest in it. Wait, that sounds like I beat people up- I just, I teach classes now in one of the fitness centers in town.”

“Oh,” is his reply.

Seungcheol bites his lip. “Does stuff like that...happen a lot?”

Sighing, Joshua slumps onto the stool beside Seungcheol and covers his face with his hands, their knees almost brushing against each other. “Not really. But it’s the holidays, so it’s been happening more than I’m used to. It’s never gotten out of hand like that before...guess I was a little distracted.”

_Distracted by you,_ he obviously means to say. Seungcheol stares at his feet. “Pay more attention, then,” he mumbles.

The blond laughs, the sound muffled by his palms. “That’s kind of rude, don’t you think?” He turns in his seat, knees pressing into Seungcheol’s thigh. Joshua smiles, and Seungcheol can’t look away. “I’ve been giving you all of my attention since you walked in. I didn’t take you for the spoiled type.”

Seungcheol knows not even the dark lighting can hide how deep his face is flushing right now. “I-”

“Hyung! There you are!”

Blessing the world for this distraction, Seungcheol immediately turns to where the sound comes from, nearly screaming in relief when he sees Vernon and Wonwoo push out of the crowd. 

Vernon points a thumb somewhere behind him. “Soonyoung’s wasted and trying to hit on one of the bouncers so I think it’s time we go before the dude kicks him out. Seungkwan’s trying to hold him off but I don’t think he’s really trying.” He twists his head to glance somewhere before sighing. “Yeah, no, he’s not doing shit to stop Soonyoung.”

Seungcheol groans. “What about the others?”

“We haven’t seen Jihoon or Mingyu since they left for the bathroom...together...twenty minutes ago. _So.”_

“That’s going to be a tight fit,” Joshua muses. “Our stalls are pretty small for fucking.” Seungcheol stares at him with wide eyes but the bartender shrugs off his shock with ease. “It’s true.”

Vernon stares at the two with a slight smile. “This a friend of yours, hyung?”

Blinking rapidly, Seungcheol stumbles for an answer. “Well- He…” He coughs. “Did you need something?”

“I’m driving Soonyoung home. I was wondering if you needed a ride back, unless you’re staying now…?”

“Oh.” Seungcheol resists the urge to frown. Why would he even want to frown? “Uh-”

“I think I’ve held you back from your friends long enough.” Seungcheol turns to Joshua immediately, his mind on high alert when the blond places a hand on his arm _again._ He really needs to get a hold of himself. “Thanks for visiting me tonight, I had fun.”

Seungcheol can’t look away from Joshua’s faze. “No… No problem.”

Vernon coughs. “Uh, Seungcheol?”

The male nods dazedly. “Right, right.” He stands up in a rush, feeling light for some reason. Joshua watches him with a smile. “I’ll...see you later?”

Somehow, Joshua’s grin turns even brighter. “Well, that’s up to you, isn’t it?”

Seungcheol finds it hard to swallow, all of a sudden. Not wanting to embarrass himself any further, he gives a quick nod and walks over to his friends. He pauses when he sees Wonwoo. “Is he okay?”

Vernon gives him a confused look before facing Wonwoo and then stepping back. “Wonwoo? You good?”

Wonwoo, who had been silent through the whole exchange, finally snaps out of his daze with a quick shake of his head. He glances at his friends with a blank face. “What?”

Tracing back the direction Wonwoo was staring in, Seungcheol can’t help the smirk that forms. “Were you checking out that bartender?”

Wonwoo scoffs, but the slight pause before he speaks is a dead giveaway. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Vernon’s eyes widen. “You think the dude’s hot! You totally do!”

Seungcheol nods as he gives the bartender a quick once-over. “He was the guy that served me earlier. He’s got a nice smile.”

“Better than nice.” Realizing he said that out loud, Wonwoo speeds off into the crowd, completely ignoring Seungcheol and Vernon screaming behind him.

-

Once he sees Seungcheol completely disappear through the crowd, Joshua lets out a small sigh and walks back to the other side of the serving counter. As soon as he does, his coworker is practically jumping him.

“Dude,” Seokmin says with a tired laugh. “When I said I’d cover for you so you could talk with your mystery guy, I didn’t think it’d be for _nearly two hours.”_

Joshua offers him a shy smile. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t think we’d go on for so long. But, hey- I think one of his friends was checking you out.”

Seokmin nearly drops his towel, his expression perking up instantly. “Was it the dude with the curly hair and glasses? I thought someone was staring at me but I didn’t want to be creepy.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that, if I were you,” Josua laughs. “I heard them calling him Wonwoo.”

“Wonwoo,” Seokmin mumbles to himself a few times. When he sees the look on Joshua’s face, Seokmin hits his arm with his towel. “Shut up. This doesn’t change anything. You still owe me for covering!”

Joshua laughs, but quickly gets back to work. “I know, I know. But seriously, thanks for that.”

Seokmin huffs. “It’s not like I really had a choice. The dude looked like a kicked puppy when he saw me instead of you when he got here. What in the world did you say to him last time to get him to fall so hard?”

“Why?” Joshua smirks. “You want tips for Wonwoo?” He barely dodges Seokmin’s towel this time. “I was joking! As if I’d ever tell you my secrets.”

“I wouldn’t act so high and mighty, if I were you,” Seokmin warns. “I saw what happened after that fight. You were ready to drop down on one knee and propose to him.”

“Definitely did consider going on my knees for him, that’s for sure,” the blond mumbles.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Joshua waves a glass at him. “Cut me some slack, did you _see_ the way he just charged in? I figured he worked out, but _that_ was just...something else. I almost wish Chanyeol and Hoseok weren’t there to stop them.”

Now Seokmin _really_ wacks Joshua with his towel, the soggy cloth making the blond whine when it hits his shirt. “Don’t be dumb. You were still pretty reckless intervening like that when the guy was clearly drunk off his ass. What would you have done if your tank of a crush wasn’t there?”

Joshua drops his head. “I wasn’t thinking, okay? It just _happened._ And he’s not a crush, he’s just...interesting.”

“Well, _whatever_ he is,” the male says pointedly, “he’s the only reason you didn’t get your ass beat tonight. Just think next time, okay?”

The blond sighs. “I will.”

Seokmin stares at Joshua for a few moments before shaking his head, a smile forming once more on his face. He pats Joshua’s back. “It’s nice to see you finally lose your cool for once, though. If I had known you were into beefy guys, I would’ve signed you up for a gym membership myself to get you some action.”

Having expected Joshua to laugh at his joke, maybe even whine, Seokmin can’t help but raise a brow when the blond reacts by stilling his entire body. With wide eyes, Joshua slowly turns to face Seokmin, a wicked grin painting his lips. “That’s not a bad idea.”

-

After every class, Seungcheol likes to head to the locker rooms and change shirts. He’s never been fond of how his shirts cling to his skin when he sweats, so there are few things that could possibly stop him from making a beeline to the lockers once his class ends.

His boss, however, is one of these exceptions.

“Seungcheol,” Changmin calls out from the entrance desk. “You have a minute?”

_Crap._

Having been so close to escaping, Seungcheol stares wistfully at the locker rooms mere feet away before turning around. He bids a farewell to the last of his students, waving to them as he walks by and tells them to have a nice day. Changmin meets him halfway and offers him a water bottle. Seungcheol takes it with a grateful smile.

“A man showed up just now asking for our personal trainers,” Changmin whispers, pressing Seungcheol forward with a hand to his arm. “I was asking him if he had anything in mind, and he actually requested you personally.”

If Changmin wasn’t pushing him to walk, Seungcheol would have stopped right here. “Huh?”

People requesting Seungcheol as their trainers isn’t really a new thing, especially during this time of year when the gym’s constantly signing new years’ resolutioners as clients. However, they usually asked for his training _classes_ , since it was cheaper and easier to morally give up once February rolled around, not private sessions. Going straight to personal training for a resolutioner is definitely a rarity.

Changmin shrugs. “I was surprised, too. Tried talking out of it for your intermediate class but he was persistent. I think you’ll like him, though.” Before Seungcheol can ask what he means, they’ve reached the main desk. “Here he is! Seungcheol, this is Jisoo.”

Seungcheol likes to think he’s good at speaking to people. In his line of work, he kind of has to be. From encouraging insecure students to convincing possible clients to sign a membership, it takes a certain way with words to connect with others. And for the most part, it’s always come easily to him. But he’s starting to doubt his abilities when he sees _Joshua,_ completely free of club spotlights and bartending duties, standing in front of him, smiling as bright as can be.

“Uh,” is all that comes out of Seungcheol’s mouth.

Joshua--or _Jisoo, apparently-_ -offers out a hand to him. “Nice to meet you, Seungcheol.”

Seungcheol grabs his hand weakly, mind still struggling to catch up. _His hand is warm._ “Y-Yeah...likewise.”

Changmin flits glances between the two of them, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he laughs. “I’ll let you get to know each other then.” He claps Seungcheol on the back before walking away.

It’s quiet for a few seconds as the two soak each other in. Seungcheol quickly realizes they’ve been shaking hands for a solid minute now. He pulls his hand away, clears his throat. “ _Jisoo?”_

The blond cringes. “It’s my Korean name, I just never got used to people calling me that. I prefer Joshua, really.”

Seungcheol nods, still a little uneasy. “Right. Um, don’t- don’t take this the wrong way, but...what are you doing here?”

Joshua scratches the back of his head, finally having the sense to look at least a _little_ embarrassed. “Ah, sorry about that. I would have asked you about it but I don’t really have your number…” He flashes a small smile. “You helped me come up with one of my resolutions.”

Seungcheol blinks. “I- I did?”

“Yeah,” Joshua laughs. “I would’ve been toast if you hadn’t been there at the club that night, and I’m not in the best shape ever, so I figured it’s about time I get back to exercising. And you mentioned you taught at a gym, so I kinda...looked you up?” He frowns. “That sounds creepy, shit. I didn’t mean it like that-”

As Joshua continues to ramble, Seungcheol blanks out, realizing Joshua would have had to have found his work profile on the gym’s website to know he works here. That leads him to think of all the pictures of him on the website, sweaty and red-faced and looking like an enraged gorilla mid-punch, that Joshua would have seen. And _that_ leads him to finally register his current appearance, sweaty and red faced and looking like an idiot, that Joshua is seeing _right now._ It’s taking everything in Seungcheol not to jump over the desk to hide.

“It’s okay,” Seungcheol blurts out, effectively silencing the male. “I was just wondering. So...you want me to be your trainer?”

Joshua nods, golden curls bouncing, and it makes his heart squeeze. “If you’re available, that is.”

_Don’t read into it._

“U-Uh, well-,” Seungcheol fiddles with the gauze wrapped around his hands. “We’d need to have a meeting about this first. I’d need to know your health history and what you want out of this so I can help you come up with a plan.”

“Okay, when are you free?”

Seungcheol snaps his head up, locking eyes with the grinning man. “Free?”

“Well, yeah.” Joshua laughs as if he said the most obvious thing ever. “We need to schedule a time to do this, right?”

Seungcheol squeezes his hands together behind his back. “Ah, right.”

“Do you have any more classes today?”

“I finish my last one at four,” Seungcheol says weakly.

“Is five okay, then?”

“Sure.” He doesn’t know what they’re talking about anymore.

Joshua grins again, this time his eyes forming little crescents. “Alright. See you then.”

Seungcheol pinches himself. “Y-Yeah. Okay.”

Once Joshua’s figure is no longer in sight, Seungcheol lets out a strangled groan and slams his head onto the desk, fingers dragging over his heated skin. A very small part of him was tempted to cry, for some reason.

“Smooth,” a voice rings out from beside him. Seungcheol doesn’t have to look up to know it’s Jonghyun.

“How much did you overhear?” Seungcheol mumbles.

“About all of it. Was that the tic tac toe guy?”

“Yeah.”

“And he wants _you_ to improve his physique through private lessons?”

“Uh huh.”

A pause. “And you used to make fun of _me_ for crushing on Taeyong because we’re _coworkers_.”

“Don’t you have a cycling class right about now?”

-

All things considered, the meeting goes by smoothly. Now showered and in a change of clean clothes, Seungcheol doesn’t fumble as much whenever he has to move close to Joshua, and the blond is merciful enough to keep their conversation casual. They discuss possible goals Joshua has in mind as Seungcheol checks his height and weight. He _knows_ Taeyong and Jonghyun are watching from a distant corner; Seungcheol could hear them cackle while he measures Joshua’s chest, but every time he looks up, the two demons are nowhere to be found. He has half a mind to choke them with jump ropes later.

“So,” Seungcheol says, scribbling down notes on his paper. “Any medical history?”

Joshua falters, expression suddenly uneasy. He keeps his eyes trained on the floor as he speaks. “Ah, yes, well-” He coughs. “About three years ago? I had a heart transplant.” He notices the way Seungcheol pauses for a second. “It- There weren’t any complications, and I went to a physical therapist because I was really weak at the time, so I’m fine now. I just...kinda stopped working out as much because of work.”

Seungcheol doesn’t speak for a while, hiding behind the excuse of writing to collect his thoughts. He wasn’t expecting that. He wants to ask more, if he’s found a soulmate yet, but knows that is _far_ from appropriate. And, with the sly way Joshua is, he’d probably veer the conversation somewhere Seungcheol will never be ready for. So he settles for a nod and they keep going. Gradually, Joshua relaxes until he’s back to his usual cool demeanor, but Seungcheol can’t quite forget the second of fear that passed across his face. 

After all, it’s a look he’s seen oh himself far too many times.

Half an hour later, and they’ve settled all the needed documents and have their first lesson scheduled. Joshua beams when Seungcheol suggests they exchange numbers, and while a part of Seungcheol is slightly terrified, the rest of him is struggling to keep himself from flushing. Thankfully, Joshua doesn’t save his contact with any mushy nickname, just a simple _Shua._ It makes Seungcheol smile nonetheless.

As soon as Joshua is out the door, Seungcheol hears movement behind him. He turns around to properly glare at Taeyong and Jonghyun. The pair stare at him with knowing smiles. “Not a word.”

Taeyong nods at Joshua’s distant figure. “He’s cute. Definitely your type.”

Seungcheol blinks. “I have a type?”

“ _Yes_ ,” the two say at the same time.

“And that would be?” Seungcheol huffs.

Jonghyun shrugs. “Dom twinks.”

Seungcheol gives Jonghyun a three second head-start before chasing him.

-

Seungcheol’s barely been in the park for three minutes before he hears someone calling his name. Turning around, he sees Joshua jog towards him in a plain tee and shorts, calves completely exposed for the whole world to see. Seungcheol barely tears his eyes away in time before Joshua gets close. “Glad you’re not late.”

Joshua snorts. “I’m a gentleman, time commitments are important.” He glances around the park, his breath coming out in puffs in the cold air.

“You didn’t bring a jacket?” Seungcheol asks.

The blond shakes his head. “I get warm easily, and I figured you wouldn’t go easy on me, even if it _is_ day one.”

Seungcheol grins. “Well, you’re not wrong.” He rubs his hands together. “Ready?”

They start out with basic stretches before jogging around the entire park, keeping the pace light since it’s been a while for Joshua. Unsurprisingly, Seungcheol finds it easy to talk to Joshua, even if the other likes to tease him way too much. If anything, it’s even less awkward to talk to Joshua here than it was in the bar, probably because he’s completely sober and somewhat focused on not tripping. Like this, Joshua’s more laid back, making jokes about his poor eating choices as he talks about his diet. The blond even brings up more personal things, like his childhood back in America.

“I’m glad my parents made me speak Korean when in the house, or else I wouldn’t have understood anything when I came here,” Joshua says, panting slightly. “Was worth all the middle school teasing.”

Seungcheol bites down a laugh. “How old were you?” 

The blond thinks about it for a second. “When I moved here? Sixteen. My parents figured the hospital tech was more advanced and the rest of our family was here.” He flashes a halfhearted smile. “I didn’t really get the chance to notice the culture shock.”

Furrowing his brows, it takes a moment for it to dawn on Seungcheol what he’s talking about. “You moved here for your heart condition.”

Joshua nods. “I’d had this disease since birth, but it wasn’t really a problem until I entered high school. My parents took me to every doctor available, and they all said the same thing. They didn’t think I would even make it to college.” He chuckles, smiling at something in the distance. “My mom was pissed, of course, so she started doing research and realized there were specialists in Busan who could help. It didn’t take long for us to move since we had a relative in the city. I practically lived in the hospital for months, so my parents didn’t bother enrolling me into a school to finish the rest of the school year.”

Seungcheol stares at him with wide eyes. “Oh.”

Joshua can’t help but laugh when he sees Seungcheol’s expression. “Relax, my childhood wasn’t a sobfest or anything. I knew I’d always have health problems for my heart, and everyone in high school is an asshole, so I didn’t really have anyone to miss when I moved. Being held back a year, sucked, yeah, but I just enrolled for online school, instead, so it wasn’t _that_ bad. My life could’ve been way worse, please don’t pity me.”

“I- I wasn’t pitying you,” Seungcheol says. “I’m just amazed? You went through a lot as a kid and you took it in stride. Most people wouldn’t be able to handle such a transition. It’s admirable.”

Joshua opens his mouth to speak again, but his foot twists and he ends up tripping over himself and crashing on the pavement. “Shit.”

Seungcheol stumbles to a stop. “Oh, fuck-” Rushing over, he squats down next to the dazed blond. “Are you okay?”

Groaning, Joshua sits up and rubs his head, fingers gingerly ruffling his curly locks. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just wasn’t paying attention and tripped.”

Seungcheol checks him over anyways, looking for any major injury. He looks fine, if not a little shaken up and tired from their jog, but that’s good enough for him. When he glances up at Joshua’s face, ready to ask if he needs help to stand up, he finds the blond already staring at him. There’s a strange look in his eyes, similar to that of when Seungcheol had finished fighting the drunk from the bar. The only difference is that this time, Seungcheol is positive he sees pink dusting Joshua’s cheeks.

_What the fuck._ He can feel himself shrinking under his stare. “Joshua?”

It takes a second but Joshua eventually snaps out of his thoughts, blinking rapidly. Without another word, he lifts himself up and busies himself by stretching, completely oblivious of how lost Seungcheol is. He looks at Seungcheol expectantly.

Realizing he’s still crouching on the ground, Seungcheol clears his throat and stands up as well, dusting himself off in the process. “Let’s try a light run now.”

-

Joshua doesn’t bring up his heart condition again after, so Seungcheol doesn’t ask him about anything before his time in college. Even without the large gap of knowledge about Joshua’s life, Seungcheol learns plenty about the blond and vice versa. He can confidently say they’re friends now, and he’s glad for that, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Not when he sometimes catches Joshua giving him that strange somber look when he thinks Seungcheol isn’t paying attention. And not when he sometimes wants to tell Joshua _why_ he can’t flirt back, no matter how much he might actually want to.

It’s been two months since then, at least, so Seungcheol knows eventually the male will let go of _whatever_ he’s feeling for him and move on. Joshua deserves someone good. Better than good. _He deserves the world._

Seungcheol’s pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his ringing phone. He sees the caller ID and answers immediately. “Hello?”

“Hi,” Joshua breathes, sounding a little out of breath. “Are you at the park already?”

Seungcheol stills, glancing at the nearby pedestrians from where he’s seated on the park bench. “Yes… Why?”

Joshua groans. “I’m really sorry, but I’m not going to be able to show up today.”

“Oh,” Seungcheol replies, shoulders slumping a little. “Is something wrong?” It’s silent for a long time. “Joshua? Can you hear me?”

“H-Huh? Oh- Sorry.” A shaky breath. “I’m fine. Something just...came up, that’s all.”

Seungcheol furrows his brows. “If you’re sure…”

“I really am sorry about cancelling so suddenly,” Joshua sighs. “This won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Seungcheol assures him. He tries for a smile, even if Joshua can’t see it. “Life happens. Besides, I’ll just make you do two sessions next time instead of one. I think that’ll make up for this.”

Joshua doesn’t laugh like Seungcheol had hoped. “Thanks for understanding.”

The smile slips off Seungcheol’s face. “It’s no problem. If you’re ever-” He’s cut off by the beep of Joshua hanging up.

Seungcheol stares at his phone, replaying their conversation in his mind again. That was definitely a first. Joshua was never one to pass up on the chance of a joke, much less be so abrupt. Seungcheol wants to call back, or at least text him to make sure he’s really okay, and he almost does. But just as he presses the dial button, Seungcheol hesitates. Maybe he’s overthinking everything. He’s Seungcheol’s client, first and foremost. He doesn’t have to say anything if he doesn’t want to.

_Remember your place._

So, Seungcheol lets out a sigh and pockets his phone without a second thought. Not wanting to waste a perfectly nice day, Seungcheol shakes off his worries and starts running down the now-familiar path.

-

Seungcheol finishes nearly two hours later, which is an hour earlier than the usual time it takes when he’s with Joshua. He didn’t do anything different than if the blond was here, so he’s a little surprised to see how much time he has left. _Must be because we mess around a lot,_ he thinks, remembering the time Joshua refused to start his warm-ups before petting every dog in the vicinity.

Still thinking about the man, Seungcheol subconsciously checks his phone, half-expecting for a notification to appear showing that Joshua tried contacting him again. To his disappointment, his phone is still blank. He knows there’s no reason for Joshua to call him back and tell him what happened, but he hopes for it anyways. Realizing how sad that sounds, his cheeks begin to warm.

“Stupid,” he mumbles to himself, frowning as he shoves his phone deep into his pocket.

With so much time left over, Seungcheol decides to jog down the street. He knows the area pretty well at this point and has no trouble at all finding the cafe he was looking for. He hasn’t been here in a while, but the place looks the same as always with its pastel colors and cozy atmosphere. With rush hour having just ended, there aren’t many people inside, leaving the cash register free of any line.

The cashier, who had been idly scrolling through his phone, perks up when he sees Seungcheol walk in. “Hyung! It’s been a while since you visited.”

Seungcheol laughs, waving as he walks over. “Jun, you make it sound like I never see you. We just went out for breakfast last week.”

Jun sticks out his tongue. “I get lonely easily.”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes but smiles anyways. “How’s Minghao?”

“Fine, he should be landing in the airport soon.” Jun flashes an excited grin, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “He finally got two weeks off from his job, so I’m gonna make _him_ clean all the litter boxes for once!”

“...Good for you, buddy.” Seungcheol points at the pastry case next to the register. “You started making eclairs again?

Jun snickers, already opening the case to grab him one. “So much for being a fitness freak. You want a lemonade, too?”

“Sure.” He hands Jun his empty bottle before fishing out his wallet.

“You know I don’t charge friends,” Jun protests.

Seungcheol shrugs and slips money into the tip jar instead. “Think of it as a welcome back gift for Minghao, then. Buy a mug for him, or something.”

Jun shoots him a stale look. “You really do have the romantic touch of a constipated seagull.” He waves Seungcheol away with a pout. “Go wait over there before you ruin my mood.”

Scoffing, Seungcheol walks to the side counter, choosing to stand instead of sit since he doesn’t plan on staying for long. As he waits, he glances around the cafe to see if anything’s changed. Jun’s always believed in familiarity over daringness, so he isn’t surprised to see the cafe has barely changed over the years. But it seems to work for him, if the constant presence of customers is any sign. The handful of customers inside are scattered about the cafe, most sitting by themselves. The closest customer to him is a few tables away, tucked away into the back corner of the room. Seungcheol looks past the person at first, not really paying attention, but instantly does a double take when he sees their hair.

Unsure of himself, Seungcheol takes a hesitant step forward. “Joshua?”

The male jolts at the mention of his name, spinning around in his seat immediately. When he sees that it’s Seungcheol, Joshua practically deflates, heaving out a sigh of relief. “Oh, it’s just you, Seungcheol. You scared me.”

“I- I’m sorry,” Seungcheol stammers, confused all over again. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Oh.” Joshua’s eyes widen. “ _Oh._ No, I didn’t- I didn’t cancel to come here. I mean, _technically,_ I did, y-yeah, but it wasn’t to eat sweets, I swear- I don’t even _like_ scones that much-”

“It’s okay,” Seungcheol interrupts, a little nervous because of Joshua’s jitters. “Did something happen? You look pale.”

“I’m…” Joshua sighs, slumping in his chair. He offers a weak smile. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”

Seungcheol frowns. “Do-”

“Hyung.” Seungcheol turns around to see Jun holding his water bottle and a paper bag. “Your order.”

“Oh. Right.” Flashing Joshua an apologetic smile, he hurries over to Jun, who stares at him expectantly. “What?”

“That guy you’re talking to,” Jun murmurs, eyeing Joshua curiously. “He came in with a man earlier, they were talking for a while but I don’t think it ended well. I think he cried after the man left.”

Seungcheol stiffens. “Why are you telling me this?”

Jun laughs incredulously. “He’s your friend, isn’t he? I’m telling you so you can comfort him like a normal person instead of your awkward _Seungcheol_ way of doing things.”

“Hey-”

“Go talk to _him,_ not me,” Jun hisses, shooing him away. “He looks like a kicked puppy and I don’t want my other customers to feel uncomfortable.” Ignoring Seungcheol’s protests, Jun skips away with a quick goodbye.

Seungcheol stands there for a moment, unsure of what to do. But then the image of a crying Joshua pops into his head, and the thought alone is enough to steer him over to the blond. “Can I sit here?”

Joshua stares at him with wide eyes, lips parted ever so slightly. Now that he’s close up, Seungcheol can easily tell the male’s eyes are puffier than usual. Swallowing thickly, he gives a shaky nod. “Sure.”

Seungcheol slides into the seat across from him, their knees pressed together. He doesn’t flinch away, and neither does Joshua. “So... _are_ you okay?”

To Seungcheol’s surprise, Joshua laughs, albeit weakly. “I mean, I should be?” He presses a hand to his forehead, his smile strained. “I finally cut all ties with my ex, I should be throwing a fucking party right now. But I just feel like complete crap.”

Something sticks out to Seungheol, making his brain go on autopilot. “Ex?”

Joshua hesitates. “Uh, yeah. We...dated in college for a year. Almost two.”

“I see.” Seungcheol bites his lip. “So you...still have feelings for your ex?”

“What?” The blond winces. “God, no. He was a possessive asshole that treated me like dirt and I fell for it. I don’t regret breaking up with him and don’t _want_ him back in my life. That’s why I came here in the first place. He called asking me to take him back and I threatened to get the police involved if he kept bothering me. I think I got my point across, if him running out meant anything.”

Seungcheol wants to squeeze his hand. “Then why do you look like you were crying?”

Panicking, Joshua prods at his eyelids with his fingertips. His ears start to glow red. “I didn’t think you could tell.”

“Did the guy tell you something, then?” Seungcheol asks, already feeling his blood boil.

“No, nothing like that. Just…” Joshua takes a deep breath, eyeing Seungcheol wearily. “Do you believe in true love?”

Seungcheol frowns. “Like soulmates? Of course soulmates are real.”

“No, no.” The blond runs a hand through his hair, expression somewhere between embarrassed and aggravated. “I mean… When I met my ex, it was at a time where I thought I could die at any given moment. My heart wasn’t working, and I knew that if I died young, it meant I didn’t even have a soulmate in the first place. So I just thought, ‘fuck it,’ and did whatever I wanted. If I didn’t get the chance to make an impact in someone else’s life, I might as well go out with a bang that’s worth a pointless life, right? But my ex, he made me feel wanted. And I knew we weren’t soulmates, that we never could be, that I was holding him back from meeting his actual soulmate, but I couldn’t help it. I loved him. God, he was horrible to me but I loved him and was _greedy_ for his love. I thought, maybe if we both love each other enough, then who cares if our hearts don’t actually belong to one another?”

All Seungcheol can do is stare. Joshua takes it as a sign to keep going.

“But then he started seeing other people. He cheated on me, and we both knew that I knew. Of course he wanted to find his soulmate, who doesn’t? And every time he came back from one of his failed hookups, I would be there, waiting for him with a smile because I was happy that our love was still there.” He grabs at his chest. “When I had my transplant and woke up alone, I realized this heart belonged to someone else, someone other than my donor. I took away someone else’s soulmate to live. It was all I’d ever done: take and take and _take._ I was a walking parasite. I don’t think I’m meant to have a soulmate, and that’s okay. I don’t deserve one. So, I broke up with the guy, told him to find his soulmate and treat them well. I don’t regret it, either. It was just, seeing him reminded me that in a way I didn’t want to remember.”

`Time drags on in painful silence as Seungcheol struggles to say something. It feels like his ribs are suddenly too small, squeezing all of the oxygen out of him. “How do you accept it so easily?”

Now it’s Joshua's turn to be confused. “What?”

Seungcheol’s heart won’t stop pounding in his chest, threatening to burst out at any given second. “I had a soulmate. Jeonghan. He’s dead.” He can’t look Joshua in the eye anymore. “We were together for six years, and I was ready to propose to him. It was the obvious thing to do, right? Start a family and be happy forever. It was always easy for us. But he got in a c-crash- he was on life support for months. He wouldn’t _wake up._ A-And his parents, they never liked me, so they didn’t- I didn’t even know they signed for him to be taken off support. I wasn’t there when he needed me, _twice.”_

Joshua brushes their fingers together. Seungcheol has to blink to keep a tear from falling. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“I don’t. Not anymore, at least.” Seungcheol stares at their touching hands, wanting more. “But he was my first love, and he was supposed to be my _only love._ Everyone expects me to move on and find someone else, but I can’t just hurt someone else to do that. I can’t fall in love with someone who has a soulmate of their own, waiting for them.” He pulls away from Joshua’s touch, hands squeezed together on his lap. “I can’t risk hurting someone for my own feelings.”

“So you’re going to hurt yourself instead, and anyone who wants to be with you.”

Seungcheol snaps his gaze up at the blond, who glares at him with teary eyes. “What?”

“You’re not being as selfless as you think you are,” Joshua spits out, hands clenched. “You’re an idiot. Not everything is about _you._ Why can’t you consider how the other person feels? If they’re willing to be there for you, why can’t you be there for them? Is there really only one person out there good enough to be with you? You can’t accept anyone else because they’re _leftovers?”_

Seungcheol blinks once, twice, three times. Still nothing. “That wasn’t- I didn’t mean…” He pinches himself under the table, steadies his breathing. “Do you like me?”

Joshua stares at him for an hour, a second, a lifetime. And then he grabs Seungcheol’s arm and pulls it close to him, lacing their fingers together until they’re holding hands.

Warmth blooms from Seungcheol’s chest, spreading out across his entire body and leaving him so breathless and dizzy that his eyes squeeze shut. But he knows this feeling, has felt it countless times. He just didn’t think it’d happen again. It isn’t _possible_ for it to happen again. But he opens his eyes anyways and looks down.

And for the first time in years, Seungcheol’s heart glows.

A bright gold, the light is the only thing he can see as its glow overwhelms him. With his free hand, he touches the golden mark on his chest, feeling the steady pulse of his heart underneath his skin. He looks up at Joshua, his tears blinding his vision. “I don’t understa-”

Where he should see Joshua, he instead sees a soft pink light. He can hear Joshua stifle a sob. “You have _got_ to be kidding me.”

Seungcheol suddenly remembers something. “Our memories.”

“What?”

Seungcheol doesn’t get a chance to explain. In one single second, his mind floods with moments of a life that isn’t his. He expects to see Joshua as a child, learning to ride a bike for the first time or whatever. He expects to see _only_ Joshua, all of his memories up until the point they met.

So there’s nothing that could possibly prepare him for the first memory he sees to be of Jeonghan in the middle of a road, limbs strewn about as blood pools underneath him, his car completely crushed. He can’t possibly prepare to see Jeonghan in an ambulance, barely conscious and struggling to take in oxygen, the glass in his neck finally tearing at his flesh and staining the white cloths of his pillow. He can’t possibly prepare to see Jeonghan in the hospital, his last moments of awareness as people dressed in blue rush him into surgery.

He can’t possibly prepare to see Jeonghan close his eyes for the last time.

Without warning, the memories of Jeonghan are gone and replaced with that of Joshua’s, his moments in life from a newborn all the way to adulthood. But Seungcheol can’t even process it, can’t do anything but let his tears fall as each memory slips by.

When it’s all over and his vision clears, Seungcheol sees Joshua staring at him, bottom lip wedged between his teeth. “I saw-”

“I saw Jeonghan die,” Seungcheol croaks, eyes blurring all over again. “You have his last memories from three years ago. He was an organ donor.”

Joshua goes slack, his tears sliding freely as he stares at Seungcheol with a blank expression on his face, mouth hanging open slightly.

“You have his heart, don’t you?”

After what seems like forever, Joshua closes his eyes, and then storms out of the cafe a second later.

“Wait!” Seungcheol runs after him, leaving everything behind and ignoring Jun yelling at him to come back. It’s freezing outside and he doesn’t have jacket, but he doesn’t care. He keeps running anyways, grabbing Joshua’s wrist before the blond can cross the street.

“Let go,” Joshua sobs, pushing at Seungcheol’s chest weakly. He won’t stop crying and it’s only making Seungcheol cry even harder. “Let go of me, Seungcheol.”

Seungcheol tugs him closer, positive that if he opens his mouth right now he’ll choke on his snot. He shakes his head no, holds on tighter.

Joshua trembles against him. “I’m not Jeonghan,” he cries out. “I can’t replace him. I’m not going to be your _rebound_ . And I won’t let you do that to me _or_ yourself, _so let me go.”_

Seungcheol manages to hug him and he buries his face into Joshua’s sweater. “But you’re still my soulmate.” He doesn’t give Joshua a chance to speak. “Your heart is pink. Jeonghan’s was red. I saw his memories that lead to _yours._ I don’t- You saw my memories, too. That has to mean _something.”_

“That’s because you _want it to.”_

“Because I like you, too,” Seungcheol chokes out. “I have since we met at the bar but I thought I couldn’t like you because you were marked to be with someone else. But then you said you had a heart transplant, and I thought _maybe_ I had a chance. And this is it. _This_ is the best chance I’ve had in years of being happy, and probably for you, too. So just-” He clutches at Joshua’s sweater with shaking hands. “I’m tired of letting the world decide what I deserve. I want to be selfish for once. I want to be with _you._ And I _know_ that’s what you want, too.”

Joshua doesn’t move, body rigid. “And if it doesn’t work, then what?”

Seungcheol finally lifts his head up and sees how exhausted Joshua looks, lips shaking with each held back sob. Carefully, he wipes away the tears gathering in the corners of Joshua’s puffy eyes, and presses their foreheads together. “I don’t think I have to worry about that with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I promise I'm working on a rewrite 😭😭 this doesn't deserve so many kudos please LOOK AWAY 🤡
> 
> For you svt ao3 tag people and anyone else who's curious, this is [said organ donation ad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa_B2nJoBZE).
> 
> Feel free to clown me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ahlovejun).


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